How to Stop Feeling Stuck: Tips from a Therapist in Wakefield, MA
Feeling stuck? Learn how therapy with a therapist in Wakefield can help!
Why You Might Feel Stuck
It can be really easy to feel stuck emotionally. Whether you are stuck in a negative emotion like sadness or guilt, or stuck from taking action in a sort of analysis-paralysis, it is easy to wish for things to be different. People often get stuck when they feel overwhelmed, when they are facing uncertainty, coping with major life transitions, grieving or when they have big goals ahead of them.
As a therapist in Wakefield, MA, I love to help people get un-stuck and back into movement toward what they want in life. Even when there are significant external barriers, movement is always possible. If you have been feeling stuck lately, read on to explore how therapy might help you get moving again.
Understanding Why You Are Feeling Stuck
The reasons you might feel stuck are likely deeply personal. You might feel burnt out at work or be dealing with vicarious trauma. You might be facing significant uncertainty related to a new medical diagnosis or you might be feeling incredibly lonely. There are many, many reasons to feel stuck, and yet it can help to pinpoint the personal reasons for your stuck-ness in order to find the most targeted approach to help.
Therapy can be very helpful to reveal thinking patterns and belief systems that are holding you in a stuck pattern. Then, in therapy, you can work on updating these patterns to something which you still believe in deeply and yet which also allows you to move forward in the way you desire.
For example, someone who came to me for therapy in the past complained about generally feeling like life was at a standstill and he felt very bleak about the future. In many ways, this was confusing to him because he had the job he desired and was living in a great apartment in a city he loved. He identified that he felt some loneliness because he didn’t have many close friends, but on reflection, he was very accepting of that reality and he did not really mind that aspect of loneliness. What he ultimately recognized was leading him to feel stuck was that he was very unhappy in his romantic relationship, and so most of his time spent at home with his partner was spent with a lot of avoidance and strain. By recognizing this, he was able to focus on how to improve the way he and his partner were relating to each other to alleviate this stuck-ness.
It can be really hard to identify your reasons for being stuck, or you likely would have made changes already! Therapy can be very helpful to identifying the barriers you are facing to get moving again.
The Role of Self-Compassion in Moving Forward
When things feel stuck, it is easy to get really down on yourself and have self-criticism highly activated. Yet that tends to only make things worse! Finding ways to be kind to yourself is really helpful and more likely to direct your energy in the direction you want, rather than just leaving you spinning in circles.
If you have been telling yourself that you are inept and incapable, I would expect it to be much harder to take initiative than if you told yourself you had been going through some challenges and were ready to take a new approach. While in some instances, a harsh coach might get an athlete moving, most of us are much more likely to authentically want to move forward when we feel invited and supported to do so. That invitation and support often needs to come from within.
How can you find this self-compassion? It is not always easy, but it is always do-able! It is important to start by simply allowing yourself to feel it and feeling like it is okay. It is really common to feel like you can’t be gracious toward yourself when you are stuck or you might get more stuck. As if being gentle to yourself would make you lose sight of all your goals. Self-compassion is not permission to stop trying though, it is simply being understanding and kind about everything that led up to this moment in time, while still holding yourself fully accountable for what is ahead of you.
Start By Considering Small, Achievable Goals
This is where I think it’s really important to think really, really small. Feel free to start big but then get really, really small. Why? Because it is great to dream big, but even greater to fulfill your dreams! Setting goals that are too big can be a setup to not attain them, which can erode your confidence and sense of effectiveness. Setbacks are more likely to keep you stuck from trying again.
Therapy can be really helpful for getting feedback on your approach to setting goals. Not only is it an opportunity to get a second opinion to your own, but in a setting of confidentiality and trust. You might also benefit from the unique perspective of a therapist on what types of goals are more likely to lead to your desired momentum. As a therapist, I love getting really creative with people on setting their goals and help make them extremely personalized. I truly believe that when you set a goal you are truly ready to achieve, you will reach it rather quickly. It is a process of trial and error sometimes and having someone with you to encourage you and help you refocus when needed can make a big difference.
Changing Your Environment: How Your Space Might Help You Get Moving
A lot of people extoll the virtues of decluttering to improve your mindset. This helps some people a lot and for other people, it only overwhelms them further to go through a decluttering process. Having a certain amount of hygiene in your physical space is important, but it’s very personal on how much tidiness matters to your emotional well-being.
What I find most powerful about a physical environment is ensuring you can align it to your goals. Sometimes making small changes, which can feel silly at times, can make it much easier to get moving in the direction you want to go.
For example, I worked with someone who desperately wanted to get back to running recreationally for a number of really value-rooted reasons. Yet in the mornings, he was exhausted and groggy and struggled to get going. He had Attention-Deficit Disorder which made it even harder for him to get organized and be task-oriented in the morning. What he started to do was put his socks in his running shoes before going to bed at night. He realized he always liked to wear socks at home, so would always put on socks in the morning. And if his socks were sitting inside his shoes, he was very likely to then put on his running shoes. If his running shoes were already on, something about wearing them made it much easier for him to get out the door and go for a run. This was a great way to modify his personal environment to (literally) get him moving toward his goal.
This doesn’t need to be about physical movement though, it can certainly be about emotional movement. Would it help to put a new notepad at your desk dedicated to ideas about how to get started on you goal, so you have place ready to receive the ideas and track them? Would it help to open and title a new note in your phone to record ideas for new snacks to try if you are wanting to make dietary changes, but haven’t been able to start? This might make it simply a little bit easier to keep these ideas organized so they are more handy when you need them.
Sometimes small changes like this can reduce the mental energy needed when the time comes to make decisions that either will or won’t align with your goals. Consider what one small change in your physical environment could make a difference for you!
Loosen Your Grip on Perfectionism
Modern culture can glamourize perfectionism, unfortunately at the expense of many people’s well-being. Being realistic and balanced is generally a better approach and all the more important when you are trying to get unstuck.
When feeling unstuck, it is really easy to daydream about the opposite. It is easy to fantasize about doing the opposite of what you are doing to totally alleviate the negative feelings you have about your current state. Yet this idealism can make you likely to set unrealistic and unattainable goals. While you still get to hold on to perfectionism when you want it and when it serves you, I suggest simply loosening your grip on it, especially until you gain some momentum. That allows you to have more room for flexibility, which can be incredibly helpful when trying to initiate new tasks.
Flexibility can allow you to be more forgiving of yourself for needing a much smaller goal than you ever would have imagined. It can help you try and try again when initial plans are not fruitful. Importantly, it can help you stay focused on how to move forward rather than get bogged down in self-criticism which is likely to increase stuckness.
Connecting with Others & Overcome Isolation
When feeling stuck it is unfortunately common for people to also become very isolated. It is easy to feel ashamed of the stuck-ness or to want to avoid questions like, “what’s new” when you feel like nothing indeed is new with you. Yet isolation often facilitates stuckness. Social connectedness can really help get momentum. Connectedness can help you generate and brainstorm ideas if you have someone you trust you knows you and your life well to collaborate. Connectedness can simply help remind you that there is more in your life than what you feel stuck on, which can be a relief. It can also help you feel energized to have a partner with whom to take action. Perhaps you can find an accountability partner, or accountabili-buddy, and take on small goals together. Sometimes simply knowing someone will ask you about your progress can help you get over the hurdle of getting started. And being connected also can help counter negative self-talk by reminding you that other people see you beyond this challenge that you are facing.
Remember Newton’s First Law of Motion
Yep, I am going to bring you back to Physics class! Newton’s First Law of Motion states that an object in motion, will stay in motion. An object at rest, will stay at rest. Remember that getting unstuck gets easier as you go and maintaining it is easier than building initial momentum. If you want to get back to Physics, it’s the emotional equivalent of Static Friction being much harder to break than Kinetic Friction.
All of this is to say that taking things one step at a time can be very helpful. Building momentum will only help you!
Taking the First Step Towards Getting Back in Motion
Getting stuck can feel really frustrating and really discouraging, but you remember you do not have to stay stuck. You can overcome this feeling! Considering taking action in whatever way makes the most sense to you, ensuring that your strategy is very personal to you. Consider therapy to help if you feel like you are out of ideas or out of energy to try. You do not have do to this alone.
Looking for a Therapist in Wakefield to Help You Get Unstuck?
If you're ready to break free from feeling stuck and start living a more fulfilled life, reach out to a therapist in Wakefield, MA today. Schedule a consultation to explore how therapy can help you overcome overwhelm and create lasting change. Whether in-person or online, I’m here to support you every step of the way!
I offer in-person therapy in Wakefield and online sessions for young adults and adults throughout Massachusetts, Vermont, and Connecticut. Let’s work together to help you feel more energy, momentum and direction in your life.