The Invisible Load: What a Wakefield Therapist Wants Caregivers to Know
What Is the Invisible Load?
Caregivers need and deserve support and a therapist in Wakefield can provide that care.
Making its way into the mainstream lately is a concept that caregivers have known throughout time…the “mental load” or the “invisible load.” This load is than the physical labor of needing to get between points a, b, c and d or the labor of time taken to run an errand or attend an appointment. Instead of tasks, it is the emotional and mental labor that goes into these tasks and all the spaces in between them. It’s the invisible work of taking the examples above and adjusting the schedule to make it to the appointment on time, of knowing what needs to be recalibrated when the appointment runs late, the awareness of the time that needs to be created for the unexpected follow-up appointment. It’s the energy of determining what errands need to be run and when and how that can fit into life. It’s the invisible load of all of this. Sometimes, it’s manageable, and simply hums in the background of life. For most caregivers, this load is enormous and its invisibility makes it even heavier.
Meeting with a therapist in Wakefield can be in incredibly helpful space for having this invisible load come into the light. It can be helpful for sharing it with someone else who can help you figure out how to lighten it and for understanding the effects of it more fully on your life, so you can adapt to its presence more easily.
Recognizing the Weight You Carry
In my experience, personal experience included, it can be hard to acknowledge how much emotional labor goes into caregiving. There are powerful social narratives that discourage this, making people feel like they are complaining about caregiving, calling it burdensome or being disrespectful to the person they are caring for if they attempt to have the mental load acknowledged by others. Unfortunately, this only keeps the load invisible and is more likely to foster distance and resentment between you and others around you.
In therapy, you can start to name your efforts in a place with acceptance. As a therapist in Wakefield working with caregivers, I like to understand what caregiving looks like for each individual. Where is time going? Where is mental energy going? What’s happening in the background thoughts even when it appears like you are focused on what everyone thinks you are attending to? By doing this, you can reach a greater understanding of the impact of the invisible load on your life and by understanding it better, can start to work with it more flexibly. Sometimes, there is not much that can change about the demands of caregiving, but I firmly believe that the feelings around it can shift to make caregiving more sustainable and fulfilling. This can only happen if the invisible aspects of caregiving are acknowledged as they are so pervasive.
Why Caregivers Often Feel Alone
Some caregivers get a certain amount of praise for their caregiving. They may hear compliments like, “oh, it’s so lovely that you able to do that for your aunt, she is so lucky to have you as her niece,” or “wow, you are so generous, that must be a lot of work!” Or maybe, “you are able to handle so much, good for you! I know who to call when I need help! [chuckle, chuckle]”. While these comments can be nice, most caregivers I have known find them to barely scratch the surface. While well-intended, they are often compliments about a topic people don’t know much about, so they are missing the depth of what caregiving really means.
Not feeling understood when in the company of non-caregivers can be very isolating and lead to loneliness. It can even lead some people to withdraw from relationships because they simply don’t find the dynamic fulfilling anymore. When people do not understand how much you do, they don’t understand a huge part of your life and how your identity is being shaped and evolving in caregiving.
Imagine instead of someone said, “your life must feel so different than you thought it would this past year,” or “it must be hard living this second life that no one sees.” Or maybe “it must be so hard to feel like you can’t disconnect at all from technology because you never know when an emergency call is going to come in for you,” or “it must be so hard feeling like you don’t have a minute to be with yourself.”
Finding connection and support can be critical for maintaining well-being on a caregiving journey, and therapy with a compassionate therapist in Wakefield can help you find this.
The Impact of the Invisible Load on Your Mental Health
Caregiving can be demanding and unfortunately, the needs of many caregivers go unmet because they get pushed to the bottom of the never-ending to-do list. When was the last time you got a haircut on time? Got new shoes when you felt you needed them? Got your teeth cleaned on time at the dentist?
Unfortunately, the cumulative stress and self-neglect can add up and lead to even more exhaustion. If gone unchecked and without moments of relief and connection with others, it can put you at risk for anxiety and depression. If you find yourself feeling resentful, that you are isolating more than you need to, that you can’t sleep well or eat in ways that feel right to you, these may be signs your mental health is slipping even beyond the stress of caregiving.
Making the Unseen Seen: Advocating for Yourself
It can be very, very hard to communicate your needs to others, especially before you even recognize them yourself. Yet as you slowly start to identify your real needs, the ways in which others might help often starts to crystallize as well. Often, very small changes and subtle supports can go a long way because not only is the practical help in place, but the emotional connection with the other person is tightened and that alone can be very comforting.
Therapy can be a very helpful space for getting more clarity on what your needs are and how you might communicate those needs with others in ways that feel natural to you. It might not start with calling up that well-intended coworker and asking them to run groceries for you this weekend, but it could be getting comfortable to say “yes” next time your neighbor offers to water your plants if you are really busy, or perhaps simply having your partner start going through your mail so that it’s one less thing waiting for you at the end of the day.
Strategies for Easing the Load
A blog post can’t create an individual plan for you, or it wouldn’t be individualized! Yet here are some prompts that I encourage you to consider if you feel like you need the invisible load to lessen:
If a genie granted you a free hour of time today, how would you use it? Would you use it differently if it was in the morning, mid-day, evening or at night?
When was the last time you laughed with the person you care for, and what is your emotional reaction to how long or short ago that was?
When was the last time you ate a really good meal that was deeply satisfying?
Are there any chores that simply make you want to lose your mind whenever you do them, even if you feel entirely irrational in how much you detest them? [remember, no one is reading your answers, so be honest with yourself!]
Who in your life comes closest to understanding what your life is like right now? What does it mean to you to have this person in your life?
What is something you really wish your boss or your partner or your best friend could understand about what you are experiencing right now?
How do you hope to look back on this experience many years from now?
By starting to reflect and explore different dimensions of your personality and personal experience, we can start to understand what your unique needs are, and then can start to brainstorm ways to have those needs met a bit more often. As a therapist in Wakefield, these explorations are always deeply meaningful and thought-provoking, often taking unexpected turns, which really helps caregivers get out of the rut of being trapped under the invisible load.
Why Therapy can Ease the Load for Caregivers
While therapy can not provide the actual care to your loved one, it can help reduce the overwhelming nature of caregiving and the deep isolation that often accompanies the experience. Through therapy, you will learn how to find small moments to reconnect with yourself, to recognize yourself amidst the hustle and worry and how to feel more intentional with your time.
Will you still feel very busy and spread very thin? Surely, yet you will also feel like you are purposeful in where you spread yourself and importantly, you will not feel alone. Therapy can help you make sense of the social changes that have happened along your caregiving journey and help determine how to best utilize the precious little energy you have to spend to maintain your health and well-being.
Every caregiving journey is deeply unique, so help yourself feel like you have actually designed yours, rather than feeling like you have been jerked along for the ride.
You don’t have to experience caregiving all alone. A therapist in Wakefield can help you unpack the invisible load and support you in finding balance and relief.
Whether you are entering therapy for the first time or looking to reconnect with the process, I offer a welcoming, supportive space to explore your challenges and goals.
With the flexibility of in-person and online therapy, we can find a space for therapy in your lifestyle and schedule.
Are you ready to take the next step?
Let’s connect over a free, 15-minute phone consultation for therapy in Wakefield