What Are You Feeling? A Wakefield Therapist Explains Why That Question is So Hard
Why Identifying Emotions Can Be Challenging
Wish that feelings-talk came more easily to you? Meet with a therapist in Wakefield to find that ease!
Have you ever been asked “how are you feeling?” and felt yourself completely unable to answer, despite knowing that you have many, powerful feelings coursing through you at that moment? Or maybe, “can you just tell me what’s going on with you right now?” Even though there is SO much going on, you may feel at a loss to put it into words.
Why is this so hard? Often, we simply haven’t developed the language to name our feelings with any measure of authenticity. Sometimes, our feelings feel too complicated and descriptors like “sad” or “upset” don’t do our inner world justice. Being put on the spot can only make it harder as you are also then concerned with how the person might respond to what you share with them.
You might reflexively respond “I’m fine,” only to kick yourself later because you feel anything but fine, you just didn’t know how to say so at the time. Learning to speak emotional language can take time, and therapy can be a great way to become more fluent. With more breadth and depth to your emotional language, you will learn to have greater awareness of how you feel and also be able to articulate it with more ease to others, when you want to do so. Meeting with a therapist in Wakefield can make questions like “what are you making that face for?” much easier to answer.
The Difference Between Emotions, Thoughts, and Physical Sensations
It can be easy to answer the “what are you feeling” question with thoughts instead of feelings, and I am guilty of this myself at times! Responses like, “I feel like no one understands what I’m going through,” or “I feel like no one wants to help me” are actually missing the feeling. A feelings-based response would sound more like, “I’m honestly feeling pretty lonely right now.”
As another example, someone might respond that “I feel like this is going to be really fun” or “I feel like I’m going to remember this forever” when they actually mean “I feel really excited and eager!”
Mixing up thoughts and emotions is tricky because the thoughts are valid, and yet they can avoid really connecting with feelings. The same can be true for physical sensations. Someone might respond to the “how are you feeling” question with “I feel like I can’t sit still” or “I feel like crawling out of my skin” when the actual feelings response would be “I’m feeling quite anxious right now.” Again, it’s not that the physical description is wrong, it simply isn’t a feelings description
You might find it really hard to actually share the feelings with others as we often use thoughts or physical sensations as a more gentle way to describe ourselves without feeling quite so vulnerable. The feelings responses are actually more deep, more genuine and more personal. It is totally up to you whether or not you want to share this with others, yet I encourage you to start to share the feelings more honestly with yourself.
As a brief exercise, think about three separate parts of your day yesterday. As yourself first what you were doing, and create the moment in your mind. Then, ask yourself what you were feeling. What you were really feeling. Then consider what you might have said it someone asked what you were feeling in that moment. Are there people you would be honest with and others you may have more reservation? That is okay, starting with awareness is the best place to start!
Cultural and Personal Factors That Affect Emotional Awareness
Our ability to recognize our feelings and to willingly share them is highly shaped by our culture and the environments in which we were raised and where emotional norms were set. Since very early childhood, we are given messages about what emotions are acceptable and which are unwelcome. This varies tremendously across genders, religions and ethnicities, as well as family norms.
If your emotions were treated as “too much” by others, particularly if this was due to gender, race or other factors, then emotional expression can feel quite risky, as you probably learned it was more adaptive to stay quiet or only give acceptable responses. A therapist in Wakefield can use curiousity and skill to help you reclaim your emotional depth and express yourself more fully, when in the company you want to share this depth.
How Therapy Builds Emotional Vocabulary and Awareness
It will come as no surprise that therapists love feelings! I admit my heart accelerates a little when I write that nonetheless, because I am human too, and I find it extremely hard to share my feelings in certain settings, despite loving talking about them all day for a living. It can be hard!
Getting curious about what you are feeling is a great start though, and working with a therapist in Wakefield can help you learn strategies to name your feelings more readily and then to express them to others. I often challenge people (gently!) to give deeper, richer descriptions of their feelings, while giving guides and other supports to help with this process. I like to catch people at different moments in a session to check in on what feelings are present in that moment so they have an opportunity to practice in real-time. With this practice, it becomes easier to do it outside of sessions. With practice, comes awareness, and with awareness, feelings get more familiar and more comfortable.
Practical Tips for Increasing Emotional Awareness Daily
Catching yourself in the act is the best way to increase your awareness of your feelings. Even if you don’t think you are feeling much of anything, there is always something. It may be calmness, you may feel rested, you may feel bored, yet you are always feeling something.
Consider building a routine for this, such as asking yourself what you are feeling every day when you are brushing your teeth, or when you eat a meal. Or reflect on this at the end of the day as you look back on your day.
Catch yourself if you slide into answering yourself with thoughts or physical sensations and really challenge yourself to get to feelings instead. You can even have yourself name the thoughts and physical sensations to be sure you are distinguishing them from one another.
Consider asking others more about their feelings. This can be a great way to deepen relationships and also to have it feel more normal to have these conversations, so when you are put on the spot next, you feel more comfortable with the feelings talk already.
How a Therapist in Wakefield Can Support Your Emotional Journey
Feelings can be incredibly complex and highly dynamic. They can change quickly, confuse us and catch us off guard. Yet the more we practice recognizing them as what they are, the easier it is to understand ourselves and then, to know what to do with ourselves.
Whether you are just starting to explore your emotional world, you are trying to change long-standing patterns that don’t serve you well or you are simply trying to feel better about your life, a therapist in Wakefield can offer personalized guidance, confidence-building strategies and a compassionate presence along the way. With the right support, you can build a stronger connection to yourself, deepen your relationships, and create more space for emotional honesty in your life. I genuinely feel hopeful whenever I support people on a journey like this.
If you're ready to feel more connected, confident, and emotionally grounded, working with a therapist in Wakefield could be a powerful next step. You’re allowed to feel, to not know what you’re feeling, and to learn as you go. Therapy offers a space where your emotions are welcome—and where your emotional growth can truly begin.
Whether you are entering therapy for the first time or looking to reconnect with the process, I offer a welcoming, supportive space to explore your challenges and goals.
With the flexibility of in-person and online therapy, we can find a space for therapy in your lifestyle and schedule.
Are you ready to take the next step?
Let’s connect over a free, 15-minute phone consultation for therapy in Wakefield