Who Am I Really? A Wakefield Therapist on Identity Crises in Your 20s and 30s
Wondering who you really are? Meet with a therapist in Wakefield to connect more deeply with your identity.
Just when you were feeling relieved to be past some of the social drama of high school and past the pressure to figure things out after high school or college, you may be getting struck by another wave of identity crisis. Perhaps you started your career, got married, starting having kids or moved and these all seemed like steps of coming into yourself, yet you find yourself feeling like you don’t recognize yourself and wonder who you really are. It can be so frustrating and disappointing, but it is actually very common.
Young adulthood in particular can be a vulnerable time for an identity crisis, because for many people, it is a time of SO many changes. With changes, we all need to evolve and adapt and yet sometimes this can become tiring, even if the changes are what we want to see in our lives. With big transitions often come reflection points, and the reflections might not always be comfortable. Instead of feeling proud and excited, you may find yourself feeling doubtful, apprehensive or ashamed instead. If you find yourself consistently struggling to feel satisfied and comfortable with who you are and who you are becoming, read on to learn more about how therapy with a therapist in Wakefield can help you navigate the identity crises that so often impact people in their young adult years.
Common Identity Challenges in Your 20s and 30s
These decades of life are often stages which older folks will look back on fondly and describe as “the best years of my life” or they will long for “the carefree way” that they were able to live. Yet like most things, they may be ignoring the angst and confusion that often accompany those years.
The 20s in particular are often filled with career expectations, early professional development and rapid growth. You may go from being inexperienced to actually progressing in your field and moving out of entry level roles. Yet as you find ease in your work, you may actually start to question if you have really been doing the right thing for you. While your work may be enjoyable enough now, the prospect of doing it for another 40+ years is surely daunting. This alone can throw many people into a professional identity crisis.
Additionally, relationships often change a lot in this time. High school and college friendships may become strained by distance and new routines and you may or may not be developing relationships in your workplace or community. Romantic relationships are often budding and falling at this time too, though you will likely have some peers find their match and your spring calendar may be filling with weddings. All of these relationships can easily make people question who they are to others, and who they really like to spend time with. There can be a lot of social expectations as well, and perhaps you find yourself enjoying a different crowds than you used to, which can be really confusing.
Changes in your family are also likely impacting you at this age…your parents may be starting to feel a bit older to you and your grandparents may no longer be living. It’s probably harder to see extended family as commitments in your own life, and this may lead you to question if you really value family the way you thought you did.
All of these areas, and so many more, are highly dynamic for most people in young adulthood, so sometimes it is no wonder that an identity crisis comes along with so much transition!
The Role of External Influences on Identity
Let’s not forget the role that media, and particularly social media, can play on identity. In fact, identity development is the basis of so much in the arts since long before social media came into the scene. If you think back to books you read in high school English class or movies you enjoyed in adolescence, chances are very high that they had strong themes of identity development. That’s because it’s a universal experience and so it’s usually riveting to watch someone else so through it!
Yet the pressure that can come from media can shift from being intriguing or even inspiring to become pressure-filled. Instead of sparking reflection, current media can evoke feelings of not-enoughness and shame for not being able to perfectly know yourself. It can feel like everyone around you has deep and wonderful relationships and careers and you are the only one left wondering at night how much longer you can stand to live with your current roommates.
It is important to try and turn inward when thinking about your identity and to give yourself permission to value what is truly important to you, whether or not that is represented in your social media feed. You are allowed to like superhero movies when you are thirty-five just as much as you are allowed to like crocheting when you are twenty-five. You are allowed to have big dreams and you are allowed to be content right where you are in this moment.
Try to give yourself time to truly reflect on what matters to you deeply. Not what you want to have matter to you, but what really matters. It may be a lot of things and it may be very few things. Your life may reflect that really well or not at all. Starting to connect with your genuine preferences can be a really helpful first step toward understanding your own identity.
If you find your are having trouble doing this, therapy in Wakefield can be really helpful. Often in therapy I work with people trying to figure out what they really care about, if they really care about anything, or how to start to live outwardly the things they care about inwardly. It can be a hard process, particularly depending on whether or not this kind of reflection was allowed or encouraged for you growing up, but it is very do-able with the right support.
Embracing Fluidity and Change in Identity
I think the biggest trap we fall into is thinking that our identity is fixed and we simply need to get in touch with it better and then we will unlock who we really are and things will fall into place from there. I mean, it’s nice to imagine everything unfolding so easily, yet I have to admit it also sounds awfully stagnant.
The reality is that identity isn’t fixed, and instead, it evolves tremendously as our lives evolve and particularly as we have external influences. AND THAT IS OKAY. In fact, this evolution is a large part of what makes life stay interesting and dynamic and what makes relationships dynamic as well, as the people we care about evolve too. Sometimes in relationships that is really hard because the growth is not aligned, yet other times it’s simply interesting or can lead to deeper connections.
Developing a more flexible concept of identity can be extremely helpful to alleviating the sense of crisis that can come when feeling out of touch with oneself. Instead of feeling panic over a sense that “who am I really?” or “I don’t even know what I want anymore?!”, you can soften to a place of, “this is really wacky because it’s all new but it’s kind of cool to wonder about where this will lead me” or “I don’t have it figured out, but I at least know that I love being learning, so I trust that to guide me.” Allowing your identity to be more about a process than a product can also help you to feel a more stable sense of self.
The Impact of Identity Distress on Mental Health
If the self-doubt associated with an identity crisis erodes at your satisfaction in life and leaves you questioning every move you make or criticizing yourself, it could put you at risk for anxiety or depression. This is when therapy might be really helpful, so that you can take that crisis into a growth opportunity and not get stuck.
Effective therapy can help you feel more clear about what you value and what you are ready to move on from, even if it surprises you. It can help you find more assuredness to move forward and help you feel more decisive overall. How does therapy do this? I can only speak for myself, but as a therapist in Wakefield, I take a highly personalized approach to therapy around identity crises and identity development. We would explore how you used to see yourself, how you want to see yourself, and how you see yourself now. We might explore the values you were raised with and what you want to keep and discard. We might explore other social factors influencing you and what role you want them to play. Most importantly, we will ensure that you develop a more integrated, yet flexible sense of yourself. A way of seeing yourself that allows for you to feel continuity over time and yet to still evolve and change. We are likely to expand the vocabulary you use to describe yourself and your perspectives so you don’t feel as locked-in. Importantly, you will be provided with an atmosphere of openness and acceptance so you can verbalize things you might not have felt comfortable to share with others before, so that you can be in touch with your entire self, even as that sense of self evolves.
Rebuilding Confidence in Your Decisions
When you have a deeper, yet more fluid sense of your identity, you are likely to find it easier to take steps forward in your life. This might mean making job decisions, navigating relationships differently or engaging in different recreational pursuits. This may show up in small ways like how you plan your meals or in big ways like where you choose to live. Either way, when you have a deeper sense of connection to your values and priorities, it makes it easier to make decisions. Even when your priorities change, because you will understand that as a sign of growth rather than a sign of distress.
Why a Therapist in Wakefield Is Your Ally in This Process
Finding a good match with a therapist can provide you with compassionate and helpful support that is personalized to your journey through young adulthood. Therapy can provide you with new ways of understanding yourself with kindness, acceptance and hopefulness. It can help you bring that peace into your life in practical ways to help you build a life that feels deeply authentic and no longer carries a sense of crisis.
If you are struggling with questions like “Who am I really?” you’re not alone. A therapist in Wakefield can help you explore and embrace your authentic and evolving self. Reach out for a free consultation today.