Why You Freeze When It’s Time to Choose: Insights from a Therapist in Wakefield
The Experience of “Freezing” in Decisions
Feel like a deer in headlights when facing decisions? A therapist in Wakefield may be able to help!
Sometimes, a decision might be easy and other times, you may feel like a deer in headlights. Totally stuck, unsure how to how choose and how to even take steps to get yourself closer to a decision. Has this ever happened to you? If so, you are not alone at all! There are a lot of reasons that choices might trigger a sense of paralysis, from concern about making the “wrong” choice, concern about what other people will think of you and simply out of not wanting to deal with the consequences of your decision. Sometimes, decisions are choosing between the less of two evils, and the paralysis almost feels like a rebellion against the forced choice. Other times, you may be simply completely exhausted, suffering from decision fatigue and simply not have the mental capacity to do the mental flexing involved in decision-making.
Whatever the reason, therapy with a trained therapist can be a really helpful resource to understand your personal reasons for getting stuck making choices. More importantly, meeting with a therapist in Wakefield can help you learn to work with your hesitations, so that you can ultimately move forward and make decisions more readily, trusting that you can handle the outcomes.
The Biology of Freeze Responses
Our minds and bodies are trained to react to stressors with what you may have heard as the fight or flight response. This is also known in a bit more depth as the fight, flight or freeze response. Of note, there is also a fawning response (https://cptsdfoundation.org/2025/06/05/fawn-response-the-trauma-survival-pattern-thats-mistaken-for-kindness/), but that is a whole other topic in itself! The fight, flight or freeze response, known as the stress response, is generally understood to be an adaptive way to respond to danger that has deep evolutionary origin. It is the response that could be most adaptive if you encountered a predator, and could make the difference between life or death. In modern life and society, this response is still present neurobiologically, and it is what is activated in instances such as hearing a loud, expected noise or being nearly hit by a car unexpectedly. In these instances, we have common, physiological changes across our bodies which are meant to protect us and thank goodness for these!
At times, however, these responses can show up when they are not needed and instead of helping us, can be quite detrimental to use living the way we intend. Instead of responding to someone rude with indifference, you might engage and talk back and get into a nasty interpersonal conflict. Instead of moving to helping someone in need, you may have an instinct to avoid.
Sometimes, when faced with stressful decisions, you might find yourself experiencing some form of the freeze response. Where instead of proceeding, it feels like your entire body and soul are simply refusing to move. If you had encountered a grizzly bear, this might be adaptive, but if you are trying to decide whether or not to accept a job offer, it is neither adaptive nor helpful.
Learning to move through this freezing response can happen on emotional levels, with thinking strategies, and also involves calming our bodies down to move out of the stress response and into more openness and creativity.
Common Triggers That Cause Freezing
As noted above, there are a lot of reasons why you might find yourself freezing in the face of making choices. Working with a therapist in Wakefield can be really helpful to understand what situations are most vulnerable to you, and then use that understanding to your advantage. Some common reasons that your freeze response might be activated include:
1. Fear of making the wrong choice: Maybe you were mocked or shamed in your past by others for making decisions that did not turn out well. Perhaps you have been the biggest aggressor to yourself, mentally punishing yourself for being foolish or short-sighted. Your brain is smart and doesn’t want you to feel this way again, so it’s trying to help you by avoiding the whole situation entirely
2. Decision fatigue: As described in the last blog in this series, being burnt out on decision-making itself can make decision-making a huge struggle, no matter the weight of the decision, or lack thereof. The parts of your brain that manage the executive function associated with decision-making may simply need a rest
3. Uncertainty: Needing to make a decision without all the information is inherently challenging, especially if you tend to struggle with self-doubt. It is rare that we can know what the full outcome of a decision will be, and this uncertainty alone can feel highly aversive.
4. Past experiences: Perhaps you have been in a similar position before and something unpleasant happened. Your brain remembers that and may be instinctively be avoiding that discomfort. Or perhaps there is something about the outcome of the decision that your brain is ambivalent about. For example, you may be excited to marry someone, and truly feel good about your partner, however, your brain might not be able to ignore that you loved someone deeply before and were hurt anyhow.
How Anxiety and Perfectionism Play a Role
If you are prone to perfectionism, you are well-aware that decisions are daunting if there is any doubt that you will get it right, whatever right means to you. If you are prone to anxiety, you are surely similarly aware that the uncertainty associated with the outcome of decisions is nothing short of daunting.
It is unfortunately easy to worry about the consequences of decisions and the judgement or yourself and others for setting yourself up to be in that situation. Therapy can be a helpful process to start challenging some of these restrictive mindset and develop more flexible thinking styles, which allow you to trust your judgement more. Importantly, a trained therapist in Wakefield can also help you learn to trust your future self to provide you with grace and understanding, whatever the outcome. I know for myself, the more I approach uncertain circumstances with a readiness to be kind to myself, even if the situation metaphorically blows up in my face, I actually feel far more ready to make the decision and more satisfied with myself for having made it.
Living in a paradigm of right and wrong, good and bad and other black-and-white constructs can be very restrictive. Using therapy to learn to live in a more messy middle can be really helpful and ultimately, far more aligned with the messy reality of life.
Strategies to Break the Freeze
So how do you move forward and break out of the freeze response when you are experiencing decision paralysis? The good news is that there are lots of ways, while it can also be a challenge to figure out what works best for you. Where there is a will, there is a way, however, so with time and attention, I have full confidence that you will figure out what you need to get yourself moving again.
Some strategies that can often be helpful include:
1. Grounding and relaxation techniques: One of the best ways out of the physiological stress response is by working with your physiology. Our brains simply can not maintain a vigilant state and also engage in high-level cognition at the same time. It is why first responders train so much to override that stress response, so that they can continue to think clearly in an emergency situation. Learning strategies to slow your heart rate, slow your breathing and move out of your stress response can be critical to allowing your brain to get more energy into the areas needed to use your judgement, planning and strategizing skills
2. Consider what you need to make the decision: Imagine yourself having made the decision already…what would you have known the moment before deciding that you do not know now? Is that information you can work to get as an intermediate step? For example, if you are considering moving to a new house, yet you have concerns about how your kids will adjust, do you want to do some research on how accessible their interests are in the area or talk to your kids about the possibility to learn their concerns? Often, incomplete information is an inherent challenge in decision-making, yet if there are details that can be obtained, identify these and pursue them
3. Break down the decision: Often there are smaller decisions that lead up to a bigger decision. Reflect to consider if there are smaller steps to take to move yourself toward what feels like the major part of the decision.
4. Give yourself time to build your confidence: Be intentional about how you treat yourself after making a decision. Allow yourself to feel satisfied and proud that you made the decision, regardless of the outcome. Identify situations where you are already making decisions but you may not even realize it because they seem seamless. Give yourself credit where credit is due
5. Plan how to treat yourself post-decisions: Reflect on what attitude you want to meet yourself with, regardless of how the consequences of the decision proceed. Knowing what version of yourself will be greeting you on the other side can bring in some certainty and comfort where it is needed most.
When to Reach Out for Professional Support
If you find that getting stuck with decisions and feeling unable to choose is more than just an inconvenience, it may be time to reach out for professional support. Sometimes, decision paralysis can interfere at work, can cause friction interpersonally and can notable limit your concentration for other matters. Sometimes, the struggle is more internal, leading to sleepless nights, increased anxiety and a worsened mood.
Obtaining personalized therapy to support you through this challenge can help you feel like you are in control of your life again, feel like you are more effective and can increase your satisfaction in life overall. By learning strategies to help through therapy, you will have strategies you can use whenever you need them, feeling better equipped to handle future challenges.
How a Therapist in Wakefield Can Help You Move Forward
With compassionate and personalized therapy, a therapist in Wakefield can help you understand your vulnerabilities and learn to counteract them with your strengths. You can learn practical strategies to reduce your stress response and other strategies that will consistently help you know what helps you move forward with decisions thoughtfully and authentically.
Do you freeze when it’s time to decide?
A therapist in Wakefield can help you understand why and develop tools to move forward.
Whether you are entering therapy for the first time or looking to reconnect with the process, I offer a welcoming, supportive space to explore your challenges and goals.
With the flexibility of in-person and online therapy, we can find a space for therapy in your lifestyle and schedule.
Are you ready to take the next step?
Let’s connect over a free, 15-minute phone consultation for therapy in Wakefield