How to Tell the Difference Between Overthinking and Self-Reflection: A Therapist in Wakefield Explains

Seek help from a Therapist in Wakefield if you need more support distinguishing overthinking from reflection

If you’ve read my blog “Overthinking Everything? A Therapist in Wakefield Shares How to Find Peace with Your Mind,” you already know how easy it is for thoughts to take on a life of their own. One moment, you’re reflecting on a conversation or decision; the next, you’ve spiraled into a mental loop that feels impossible to quiet. It can be hard to tell when thoughtful awareness turns into overthinking—but learning to spot that shift can make a big difference in how calm, focused, and confident you feel.

Let’s explore what separates healthy reflection from mental looping—and how to move your mind toward peace and clarity.

Understanding Overthinking vs. Self-Reflection

Overthinking and self-reflection often look similar at first—they both involve examining your thoughts and emotions. The difference lies in how they feel and what they lead to.

Overthinking tends to feel frantic and inconclusive. It’s the mental equivalent of spinning your wheels—going over the same thoughts, imagining every possible outcome, or replaying interactions in your head without ever finding resolution. You might notice it in your body, too: tight shoulders, a racing heart, shallow breathing, or restlessness.

Self-reflection, on the other hand, is intentional and purposeful. It’s the process of thoughtfully evaluating what happened, what you felt, what you might want to do differently next time and how you want to move forward now. When you reflect, you may not have all the answers, but you leave the process with a sense of understanding—or at least a bit more ease.

Knowing the difference matters because one helps you move forward, while the other keeps you stuck.

Signs You’re Overthinking Instead of Reflecting

If you’re unsure whether you’re reflecting or overthinking, pay attention to what your thoughts are doing—and how they leave you feeling. You might be overthinking if:

• You find yourself caught in constant “what if” scenarios that only make you more anxious.
• You struggle to make decisions, even when you have all the information.
• You feel mentally and physically drained from the constant chatter in your mind.
• You revisit past events over and over without learning anything new.
• In conversations, overthinking can sometimes show up as interrupting, being defensive, or brushing off feedback—even if that’s not your intention.

Overthinking thrives on self-doubt and fear of getting things wrong. It gives the illusion of control, but really, it keeps you looping through uncertainty.

Signs You’re Engaging in Healthy Self-Reflection

Self-reflection feels calmer, more grounded, and—most importantly—useful. You might notice you’re reflecting rather than overthinking if:

• You’re curious about your reactions and choices, not judgmental.
• You want to understand yourself better, not just find what you “did wrong.”
• You’re open to learning something, even if it’s uncomfortable or humbling.
• You use insights to guide future choices rather than ruminate on the past.
• You finish reflecting with a sense of relative peace or clarity rather than tension.

True reflection allows your mind to rest after thinking. It is more linear and has a sense of progression. Overthinking tends to be more chaotic, wild, and erratic, so rarely gives you that relief.

Why Overthinking Can Be Harmful

Overthinking can quietly wear you down over time. It can:

• Disrupt your sleep, focus, and energy.
• Feed anxiety or sadness, especially when it becomes your mind’s default mode.
• Strain relationships, since constant doubt or indecision can make connection harder.
• Block progress by keeping you focused on “what ifs” instead of “what’s next.” It can welcome feelings of regret rather than feelings of readiness.

If you’ve ever felt mentally exhausted but haven’t done anything all day, overthinking may be the culprit. It burns energy without movement—like running a mental marathon in place.

How to Shift From Overthinking to Productive Reflection

The goal isn’t to stop thinking altogether—it’s to think differently, purposefully, and thoughtfully. Here are a few ways to start:

• Ground yourself in the present. When your mind starts spiraling, take a slow breath and notice your surroundings. Name one thing you can see, hear, and feel. Remind yourself this is not an emergency and you can take a few minutes to sort it out.
• Create space for reflection. If you notice a thought loop popping up repeatedly, set aside time later in the day to revisit it with focus. This helps your brain trust that it doesn’t have to resolve everything right now, because you know you will address it later. Then be sure to indeed address it when later arrives!
• Ask better questions. Swap “What if…” for “What can I learn from this?” or “Why does this matter so much to me?” Try, “If I looked back and felt proud of how I handled this, what would I have seen myself do?”
• Get your thoughts out of your head. Journaling or talking with a friend or therapist can help organize your thoughts into something clearer and more compassionate. Sometimes, you just need an outside perspective to stop spinning your wheels.

The more you practice, the easier it becomes to notice when your thinking shifts from reflective to repetitive—and to gently bring yourself back to clarity.

When to Seek Support Through Therapy

If you notice that overthinking is taking over your days—or nights—it might be time to get support. Therapy can help if:

• You’re caught in loops of worry or self-criticism that you can’t shake.
• You feel stuck despite trying mindfulness, journaling, or other self-help tools.
• Stress, anxiety, or insomnia are linked to racing thoughts.
• You want to better understand what drives your overthinking and learn how to redirect it toward growth.

As a therapist in Wakefield, I work with adults and young adults who are ready to quiet the mental noise, make clearer decisions, and feel more at ease in their own minds. Whether overthinking shows up as sleepless nights, exhaustion, or just constant mental spinning, therapy can help you untangle your thoughts and reconnect with a steadier sense of peace.

Telling the difference between overthinking and reflection isn’t about thinking less—it’s about thinking with intention. Overthinking keeps you chasing answers that never come; self-reflection helps you understand, learn, and move forward.

If you find yourself looping on the same worries or craving a sense of calm and direction, therapy can help you slow things down, get curious about your mind, and find that middle ground between awareness and peace.

Michelle Butman Collins, LICSW, is a therapist in Wakefield, MA, who provides in-person therapy in Wakefield, MA and online therapy for adults and young adults throughout Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Vermont. She helps people navigate life transitions, reduce overwhelm, and reconnect with a sense of fulfillment and ease. Michelle also specializes in supporting caregivers and helping people improve sleep through CBT-I. She believes therapy can be both serious work and a deeply human connection—grounded in curiosity, compassion, and courage.