January Comparison Traps - How They Quietly Fuel Anxiety, From a Therapist in Wakefield

Anxiety ruining the celebratory spirit of New Year’s? Consider meeting with a therapist in Wakefield to bring back your spark

When comparison feels unavoidable in January

January has a way of amplifying comparison. Conversations often turn toward goals, plans, and aspirations. Social media fills with reflections, announcements, and carefully framed “fresh starts.” Even well-meaning cultural messaging about progress and improvement can make it feel like life is suddenly something to evaluate.

Comparison often happens quietly and automatically. You may not set out to measure yourself against others, but noticing someone else’s confidence, clarity, or momentum can stir anxiety, self doubt, or a sense of falling behind before you even realize what is happening.

If you are feeling the pressure that January can bring, you are not alone. For many people, January becomes less about possibility and more about where they believe they should be by now.

Why January makes comparison especially powerful

The New Year frames life as something to assess. There is an unspoken invitation to evaluate what you have accomplished, what you have not, and what should change next. This mindset alone can increase self-scrutiny.

Shared timelines make comparison even easier. When it seems like everyone is running the same race at the same time, it becomes tempting to line yourself up against others, even though everyone’s circumstances, needs, and histories are wildly different.

Comparison also intensifies when people begin naming goals, intentions, or “fresh starts.” There is a natural inclination to want to know where you stand. Learning about someone else’s goals can quickly turn into evaluating your own progress or perceived lack of it, even if that goal wasn’t important to you in any way up until the moment you heard it from someone else.

How comparison quietly fuels anxiety

Comparison often increases self monitoring and self criticism. In an ideal world, noticing differences might stop at simple awareness. In reality, awareness rarely exists in isolation. Instead, awareness being an inclination to compare and determine where we stand accordingly.

I am reminded of a recent doctor’s appointment where the medical assistant who walked me back to the exam room was one of the tallest people I have ever been beside. I am already quite short, so I felt childlike beside him. He also had a strong, athletic build, and I was there for an injury. Noticing our height difference quickly turned into noticing our overall physical differences, and I felt extra discouraged as I limped behind him down the hallway. It was a strange sense of feeling crummy about myself that almost certainly would not have surfaced if I had been following someone whose physical stature did not draw my attention initially. Once I was aware of this dynamic though, it was almost impossible to ignore, and feelings came along with it.

Comparison works like this. It draws attention, and then meaning follows, along with feelings.

When hearing others’ goals around new year’s, internal questions usually begin to surface. “Why am I not there yet? What is wrong with me?” Sometimes more helpless thoughts appear, such as “I will never be able to do that”. In other cases, criticism can sneak in and turn outward, quietly judging other people’s goals as a way to manage discomfort, “it must be nice to have the money to set a goal like that.”

When it feels like there is a large gap between where you are and where you think you should be, anxiety grows. It is unsettling to feel behind, left out from the pack, or simply “less than.” It is easy to be sucked into this way of thinking and feeling like you need to scramble to catch up or fit in the way that you want.

Common comparison traps people fall into in January

January is a time when people often share goals without sharing the deeper reasons behind them. This makes it really easy for others to get stuck in a trap of taking goals at face value, when the reality may be that these goals shared publicly are highly curated, even in-person and off of social media.

Someone might say they want to do five pull ups by the end of the year, when what they really want to do is to lose weight because they think they will have better self-esteem if they do. Another person may talk about organizing their home, even though it already looks beautiful to you. Yet what they are actually seeking is peace because the little bits of remaining clutter have them powerfully trapped in self-criticism and being reminded of harsh treatment they had a child for any mess. Maybe someone has a goal of prioritizing sleep, when really, they fear that their marriage is hanging on by a thread and perhaps if they sleep more, they will have a better attitude and their partner will be more loving toward them.

Yes, sometimes people have goals that are earnest at face value, yet it is important to remember that there is often something far more vulnerable beneath a goal for many people. Reactive comparison is often very discouraging, yet the reality is that empathic comparison can actually open the door to deep connection and understanding. Imagine what it would feel like if instead of comparing goals, you compared the vulnerable reason to change?  

Why comparison feels worse when you are already anxious or overwhelmed

If you are naturally prone to anxiety, that anxiety will latch on to others’ progress and negatively compare you to it almost reflexively. It can heighten your sensitivity to perceived judgment or evaluation. It can make it harder to hold nuance, which causes comparison to feel absolute rather than contextual. Thinking becomes more rigid, “they can do x and I can’t…I will never be able to…” Anxiety can lead you to feel distance from others, amplifying isolation, rather than finding common ground and connecting.

If anxiety has a strong internal voice, it will naturally tune into comparison. That does not mean you need to stop there, however, it simply means you need to be vigilant to this tendency and develop a plan to counteract it. It can absolutely be balanced with intentional strategies.

What actually helps reduce the impact of comparison

• Bring awareness to when and where comparison shows up most strongly. Knowing where you are most vulnerable to falling into the comparison trap can help ready you for it more adequately and plan how to stay ahead of this tendency
• Creating intentional boundaries with social media or comparison-heavy environments. Are there people you follow online that consistently leave you feeling worse about yourself? Unfollow them! Are there people in your social sphere that leave you feeling depleted? Consider the time you spend with them, particularly around such a vulnerable time of year, and be intentional about your mindset when you know you will see them.
• Work on orienting yourself toward your personal values rather than external milestones. What do you want to drive you? What is uniquely important to you? Identify where you want your new year energy to be spent and protect that commitment. Knowing what you want to focus on can make it much easier to deflect the distraction that comparison tempts
• Identify what you are proud of today and where you feel satisfied right now. While it is nice to be aspirational and want to move forward with goals, it is also very important to recognize that you have already accomplished a lot and grown into a lot of what you want to be. Name those things so they are readily accessible to you.

These shifts help loosen comparison’s grip and return your attention back you and what you really want.

How working with a therapist in Wakefield can help untangle comparison and anxiety

Therapy can be a meaningful place to explore comparison patterns without judgment. Working with a therapist in Wakefield allows you to understand how comparison shows up uniquely in your life and identify more adaptive ways of responding to it.

In therapy, you can see yourself through the balance of your strengths and vulnerabilities and identify personal goals that feel realistic and deeply satisfying. You can develop ways of responding to the presumed progress of others that allows you to still feel good about yourself and what is next for you. Over time, this helps you quiet the voice of anxiety and lean more into the voice of hope and readiness for the future.

Closing

Comparison does not need to dictate how you feel about yourself or the goals you need to set. New Year’s can be a time of thoughtful evaluation and intentional commitment to growth, even if this takes a lot of effort.

If comparison is quietly fueling anxiety or exhaustion, support can help. Therapy offers a space to slow down, reconnect with yourself, and loosen patterns that no longer serve you.

Michelle Butman Collins, LICSW, is a therapist in Wakefield, MA, providing in-person therapy in Wakefield and online therapy for adults and young adults across Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Vermont. She specializes in helping clients manage overthinking, anxiety, life transitions, and sleep challenges using personalized strategies, including CBT-I. She believes therapy is a space for genuine connection and meaningful, practical change.