How to Set Kind, Realistic Goals in January When You Feel Overwhelmed: Guidance from a Therapist in Wakefield

When goal setting feels heavy instead of playful

Set the goals that work for you instead of against you, and find help with a therapist in Wakefield if needed!

January often arrives with a clear cultural message. This is the time to set goals, feel motivated, and look ahead with optimism. For many people, this framing feels energizing. For others, especially those who feel overwhelmed or who are vulnerable to anxiety or depression, goal setting can feel intimidating, exhausting, or emotionally loaded. It can even be downright annoying.

Instead of inspiration, you may feel pressure to do it “right.” That pressure can quickly lead to avoidance or self-criticism. You might tell yourself that if you cannot identify clear goals, let alone attain them, something must be wrong with you, or that you are already falling behind.

If you are feeling the pressure that often comes with the New Year, you are not alone. It can be a time of unwanted pressure for many people. Many people enter January already stretched thin, and the added expectation to reflect, plan, and improve can feel like too much.

Why traditional goal setting often backfires when you feel overwhelmed

Many popular approaches to goal setting assume a level of energy, clarity, and confidence that simply may not be present in January. For a variety of reasons, you might already feel like you are drowning. This can come from trying to keep up with daily responsibilities, grieving a recent loss, navigating uncertainty, or feeling generally ill equipped to handle the demands of life right now.

When you are in a frantic or slogging place, big or rigid goals can increase pressure rather than create momentum. Traditional goals often create a sharp contrast between where you are and where you think you should be. That contrast can feel cringe-worthy, leading to shame and a desire to retreat instead of motivation to move forward.

Even well-intended goals can begin to feel like demands. Overwhelm makes it harder to imagine the future clearly, so goals may feel unrealistic before you even begin. Difficulty setting goals in this context is not a lack of motivation and it does not mean you should give up trying. It is simply a cue to shift strategy and seek support.

Reframing goals as supportive rather than demanding

One helpful shift is to begin viewing goals as something that serve you, rather than something that measures your worth. Goals can be supportive tools instead of performance standards.

This often involves moving away from strictly performance-based goals and toward goals reflective of values and intentions. These intentions can still include clear outcomes, but they are shaped around what genuinely matters to you and what is realistic in your life right now.

For example, instead of setting a goal like “go to the gym at least four days a week,” you might explore something like “work around my schedule until I identify how many days I can realistically exercise,” alongside “explore forms of physical activity I enjoy and how often they remain enjoyable.”

This keeps the intention and desired outcome of being active while allowing room to learn what actually fits your body, energy, and preferences. You may discover that a predictable routine emerges over time, or you may find that flexibility is what helps you stay engaged. Or maybe there is a mix of both. The goal becomes about what you hope to gain, rather than forcing yourself into a rigid plan for the sake of it.

Flexibility and self-permission make goals more humane. It is also okay to want stability more than change in certain seasons. Allowing yourself to explore rather than execute can prevent the discouragement that comes when a rigid vision does not work as expected. With the above goal, you might end the year with a rhythm of weight training every Monday and Wednesday, running or spinning on Fridays and doing more stretching-based exercise whenever it fits on the weekend. That is more likely to be sustainable and fulfilling than whatever you anticipated in December.

What kind, realistic goals actually look like

Kind, realistic goals tend to meet you where you are, rather than where you think you should be.

• They reflect your current capacity rather than ideal circumstances.
• They are specific and small enough to feel approachable.
• They allow for pauses, adjustment, and learning.
• They are rooted in principle, rather than productivity and output alone, which supports sustainability.

For example, instead of “meditate regularly,” you might try setting a goal like: for the first three months of the year, experiment with one new relaxation or meditation technique to see which feels most supportive. You could set a primary time and a backup time each week to practice. After those three months, you could build a routine around the techniques you enjoyed most.

Similarly, instead of “get my house organized,” you might choose something like “develop a realistic plan for having my home feel more comforting.” This could include spending time in January learning about different decluttering approaches, using February to identify which areas feel manageable this year, and mapping out steps that match both your schedule and emotional readiness. This allows progress to unfold across the year, with room to adjust as needed.

How to begin when you do not feel ready

Many people believe they must feel ready before they can begin. In reality, readiness often comes naturally when goals are aligned with capacity.

If you feel stuck, it can help to ask what would help you feel more ready. Is it information, time, reassurance, or support? Starting with curiosity rather than commitment allows you to explore possibilities without pressure.

Focusing on one area of life rather than trying to improve everything at once can also reduce overwhelm. Pacing matters. Giving yourself permission to move slowly is not avoidance. It is often what makes meaningful change possible.

How a therapist in Wakefield can support goal setting during overwhelming seasons

Therapy can be especially helpful when goal setting feels confusing or heavy. Working with a therapist in Wakefield provides an opportunity to regularly clarify what matters most to you, beyond external expectations and cultural pressure.

In therapy, goals are explored collaboratively and compassionately. Accountability is supportive rather than rigid. Instead of pushing toward decisions before you are ready, therapy allows goals to evolve as clarity grows.

A therapist in Wakefield can also help you notice patterns that influence how you approach goals, including perfectionism, avoidance, or self criticism. With support, goal setting can become a process of self understanding rather than self evaluation. In that framework, motivation and readiness naturally emerge and help nudge you forward.

When not setting goals is the kindest choice

There are seasons when rest, recovery, or maintenance are the most appropriate focus. Choosing not to set goals during these times can be an intentional and deeply wise decision.

Listening inward rather than responding to pressure allows you to protect your needs, even when they do not match what others expect. This approach aligns with the broader message of softening January expectations discussed in my earlier blog.

For some people, a meaningful goal for this season might simply be: be realistic with myself and persistent in protecting my needs, even when it feels uncomfortable or unconventional. That is likely to get you farther for longer than most other goals anyhow!

Closing

If January feels slow or heavy, you are not behind. Kindness and realism create far more lasting change than pressure ever could.

If goal setting feels overwhelming or confusing, support is available. Therapy can help you clarify what matters, move at a pace that feels right, and approach change with steadiness rather than self criticism.

Michelle Butman Collins, LICSW, is a therapist in Wakefield, MA, providing in-person therapy in Wakefield and online therapy for adults and young adults across Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Vermont. She specializes in helping clients manage overthinking, anxiety, life transitions, and sleep challenges using personalized strategies, including CBT-I. She believes therapy is a space for genuine connection and meaningful, practical change.